By: Charlie Memmo-Decesare and Jude York
If you were forced to be stuck with one utensil for the rest of your life, which one would you pick? Don’t know? No need to worry! We will go through our top five choices and why we picked them. We will rate these by three categories: the ability to consume soups, the ability to cut, and the ability to consume solid foods. The category solid foods has two subgroups: steaks/tough meat, and hard foods. Now onto the ranking.
Number 5: The Butter Knife
The butter knife’s dullness and inefficiency places it last on our list. The butter knife completely fails in the first category. Any way you look at it it is impossible to consume soups with a butter knife. The most the butter knife will come up with is a few droplets at a time, not what you want when consuming a soup. Moving on to the second category, the actual purpose of the butter knife, cutting. The butter knife is subpar at best, it is incapable of cutting through tough meats and can only be used to cut soft foods, like butter. Now time for the third and final category, consuming solid foods. The butter knife performed poorly, it was extremely difficult to use and required an extreme amount of force to coerce. The butter knife was unable to cut through the meat as stated before, resulting in us having to plunge the knife into the steak and eat it off of the knife whole, making it difficult even then. The tenderness of the steak resulted in us having to rip pieces using our teeth. The steak would occasionally fall off the knife meaning we would have to go at the steak once more. The butter knife was completely ineffective when trying to consume hard food. If you are eating on a plate with an edge it is possible to use the knife as a spatula. You’ll have to get under the hard food by pinching it against the edge of the blade and then sliding it under the plate. It is frustrating but possible. The butter knife simply has no need for existing, a regular, grated knife can do its job just fine and also excel in cutting, and because the butter knife is outclassed in every single way by its cousin, it deserves to bring up the rear of our list.
Number 4: The Spork
The spork is versatile, but its durability is that of a toothpick. It performs decently in the first category. The spork does nothing unique in the soups department; it effectively picks up liquids with a minimal amount of spillage through the fork slots. The spork is rendered ineffective in the cutting category; it is unable to make a dent in the food regardless of the food’s texture or thickness. Now for arguably the most important category, the consumption of food. In the first subcategory of food consumption the spork fails. Its only variety is plastic, meaning whenever you try to dig into the steak it snaps. Even if it doesn’t snap it still can’t pick the steak up, as the fork nubs are too small. The spork does succeed in the hard food subcategory. It is easier to manipulate than the butter knife, therefore deserving a higher rank. With the spork, all you have to do is slide the spoon underneath the hard food. The shape of the spork allows you to shimmy the hard food on top of the spork without going through the troubles of pinching it against the edge of the plate. One of the main reasons the spork places this low is its durability. It feels like an unfinished project a prototype still yet to be perfected. If the spork was more developed it could be placed higher maybe even number one. Its restriction to the plastic variety is what ultimately let it down.
Number 3: The Spoon
While the spoon is not a versatile instrument, it is incredibly efficient and does its job to the best of its extent. The spork experiences flaws in its durability but is versatile, conversely the spoon has little to no flaws structurally but has some weaknesses when being applied to certain foods. Spoons are notoriously known for their ability to be used while consuming soups, yogurts and cereal with milk but that is not all they can be used for. Spoons can pick up harder foods such as crackers and cookies when physics are applied correctly. However, spoons face their first major failure when consuming meats and poultry in which they are an utter disgrace. If a large steak is placed on a plate and all that is given alongside it is a spoon, attempting to cut the meat is futile. It will lead to a complete mess and an overall negative eating experience. The spoon understands its job and does not try to be more than it is. It is simple but elegant, inefficient but convenient, and it is a world-renowned utensil for good reason. Overall, the spoon is an intriguing eating instrument regardless of the flaws one can experience while utilizing it and, therefore, deserves a place at the number three spot.
Number 2: The Grated Knife
The grated knife is a controversial top two pick but following careful and analytical analysis, it is the most appropriate spot. Grated knives are not the most ubiquitous utensil but they are the most taken for granted and the public collectively must realize this. Grated knives can be used to organize food whilst serving as a utensil at the same time. Despite the apparent safety risks, grated knives can be used to eat your food if one uses them almost as a spoon. Not to mention that without grated knives, the fork would not be allowed to shine when someone consumes meat or cake. The grated knife is the ultimate sidekick, the Robin to the fork’s Batman and like any sidekick, it deserves far more respect than it garners. Grated knives have been the backbone of dining for over a century as they are used anywhere from exquisite restaurants to home-cooked meals at the family dinner table. Without grated knives, eating meals would be a messy, inconvenient experience, and would ultimately lead to an underappreciation of dining in its entirety. Essentially, the use of grated knives increases the value of the meal as a whole as well as the utility one achieves from eating the substance. The grated knives may appear to be far too high up on this list but after careful consideration, it is the most accurate spot and one that many may not agree on but is ultimately correct.
Number 1: The Fork
We have finally reached the number one spot in which only one utensil is deserving of and that is the fork. The fork is the perfect blend of all kitchen utensils as it is versatile, efficient, and convenient to use. The fork can be used to eat multiple different meals, most prominently being meats, cake, salads, and many more. However, while these may be the fork’s most efficient traits, they can be used for many other meals as well. These meals can include soup if it has solids within it as well as substances such as yogurt and applesauce. Forks also play an incredibly vital role in maintaining the neatness and sanctity of the meal which no other utensil can claim to do. The fork is a utensil found in every home worldwide and is often the most common utensil used. While other utensils would crumble under this immense pressure the fork has to live up to, the fork succeeds in a glorifying way almost always. There is a reason why the fork is used by young and old and rich and poor, because of its perfect blend of the kitchen utensils and overall style in the kitchen. In total, the fork is as close to perfect as a utensil could be, as it can accomplish almost every task in the kitchen and often shocks everyone with its stunning talent and convenience.
This is very accurate.